This is a post I have been considering for some time. I felt called to share it, though this has been hampered my personal reluctance to not talk about things I know are going to bother people. Still, I feel that the time is right, so I will share a bit of how I came to my new faith.
After my second son was born, I was in the doctor’s office for his first check-up. (Disclaimer, the rest of this is not for unbelievers, you will laugh- though I wouldn’t blame you as I would have myself 2 years ago. You might just want to skip this.)
On the tv, there was the 700 club, the evangelical program. The show was on the section where they share miracles of faith healing. I will admit what was in my heart as I heard the speaker telling people to feel Christ healing them- complete derision. I remember thinking something like ‘right, maybe you- speaking to God here- should just heal my depression.’ I know- blasphemy! I had no belief and in fact was just about mocking and daring God. Little did I expect what happened next- I did in fact feel something. I could feel, just as the speaker was saying, the hand of Christ on me. I felt the pain I had in my shoulder, from a pinched nerve that I had struggled with for 7 years, disappear. I almost couldn’t get up when the nurse called me in because of my shock.
Now I know, this might sound absurd even to some believers out there. I will hold that I have been logical and scientific my whole life. I felt that we shouldn’t believe in things that couldn’t be proved. But possibly, what I will say next will shock you more. When this event happened, and I felt that I had been called through my disbelief and actual mocking of God himself, I did consider myself spiritual. I just wasn’t Christian. In fact, since I was 14 I had been a neo-pagan, a wiccan. Yes, you read that right.
Many would say that I had felt something that wasn’t real, but I know different. I know that I wouldn’t had felt something that wasn’t real, because I was the last person who would have expected on even wanted to feel that. I was perfectly happy with my religion, and had no desires to change. Now, over the last 1 ½ years I have changed. I wasn't really happy then, I just thought I was. I began this new path with much doubt and anxiety. God did not leave me in my faithlessness; instead I can tell you He kept drawing me to Him with a steady and understanding hand. When I questioned, He let me; when I complained, He remained there. In these most recent months I have felt called to share my path, that it might help even one person. I have had my relationship with Mr. Shelley, our boys, and in fact my entire outlook on life changed. Surely, things are not perfect, but I am grateful for the many blessings we have, and hope to share whatever I can, in God’s name to help where I can.
And, if you were wondering about my original request, though it was made wrongly, it seems it has been answered anyway. I have not been hampered my lifelong depression, and am so thankful now to be truly happy in the grace of God. May this bless you, also, and know that God is really there- (apparently even when you don’t believe) and He does really love.